Motherhood Through the Eyes of a Daughter

There exists a natural bond between a mother and her child that is unparalleled.  This bond is a result of the nurturing care the mother offers and also the fact that she has willingly sacrificed her body and borne pain to create a new life.  This does not make an adoptive mother any less special.   She showers all her love on a child that would never have experienced a mother's love had she not embraced it whole heartedly.  This mother's day, while we were looking for ideas to come up with a post, Poonam (the author of Shivaji- The Virtuous Warrior King) mailed us another well written article on the "I love you-you don't love me" relationship she shared with her mother. Over to Poonam -- 

Mother and Daughter

Every mother makes some mistakes. Every daughter decides when I become a mother, I am never going to do that to my children. But inevitably ends up making some new mistakes of her own. No parent is perfect from the perspective of a grown-up child. But if we are questioned on it…we all admit to having a wonderful set of parents. Not because they provided us everything, but because we all realize they strived for it. They struggled.

It’s easier to accept our parent’s love and take their discipline and criticism in our stride, but their mistakes never get our sympathy. Maybe because despite attaining parenthood, the child within us is unable to come to terms with the fact that parents are humans too.  And humans are a compilation of all sorts of individual emotions, expressions and acts, including mistakes that are unique to them.

Grading parenthood is somewhat similar to our education system. An artistic mind is compelled to undergo mathematics enrichment classes while being tagged as ‘WEAK’ in the subject. It’s something that can’t be helped. That’s how the system works. But then, is every parent a failure according to his child? ‘NO’. It’s just the child’s perspective; every child has his/her own vision of perfect parenting and grades accordingly. But those are grades that come up for a sometimes reluctant, sometimes whole-hearted re-evaluation once the child writes the parenthood exam himself. The questions might vary. Previous experiences do help to a certain extent. But as the generation changes, the situations change. And then the same old story of grades comes in.

On looking back at the two previous generations and forward to the one ahead of me, I see a process of gradual change and improvements. My mother must have had a progress card for grandma. I had it for my mother and I’m sure my daughter will secretly treasure one for me. But the grading card that I carried for my mother never made me happy. The more mistakes I pointed out, the more I got buried deep inside. And our relations got more strained. And then one day suddenly, I came into my own and decided that I don’t want to judge her. I would rather be happy to ‘accept’. After all, a mother’s age is the same as the age her kids are. She was not a mother before. She was learning, struggling yet feeling small, comparing herself to other self-proclaimed perfectionists. I realized I was ignoring her efforts just for the sake of grading.

Time went by, and a person I had never known began to emerge. The mother I knew had no hobbies; the person I discovered was a voracious reader. I started seeing the unexplored side of my own mother. She was a wonderful friend. Till date our friendship has seen many seasons, bright and gloomy both. And I cherish every moment of it. I’m a mother of two daughters now. And yes, I know my report card must be having many red marks. But I’m not worried. Because there is one mistake that my mother had made, which I still consider a mistake and avoid making.

Apart from being a doting mother, a disciplinarian and a friend to my daughters, I have kept reminding them and myself that I am human. I might make mistakes but I’m ready to hear them out and at least I’m willing not to repeat them, even if rectification is not possible. I might not be a great cook. Maybe I won’t understand their choice of literature. I might fail miserably in some other subjects as well. But the silver lining here is I will never stop trying.

Mother and daughters next gen!

Not for the sake of being a perfectionist, but for giving my daughters the reason to love and accept me for what I am. The mother will never fail if the individual residing inside her succeeds. After all, I can be wonderful parent not because I can provide my children everything, but because I strived for it.

Do let us know your opinion in the comments section below.  We would also love to learn of your memories of your mother and your own experience(s) as a mother.  If any of our readers want to submit their work for publication, our email address is left.right.tcenter@gmail.com.  Also, do forget to follow, share, and to hit the subscribe button at the top, if not already done!

Disclaimer:  This is a personal blog. Any views or opinions represented in this blog are personal and belong solely to the authors. These do not represent views/ opinions of people, institutions or organizations that authors are associated with in their professional capacity.

About Poonam:

In spite of being busy with family commitments and almost in love with all of it, I still grab some time for myself. Teaching Math gives me the necessary adrenaline rush and words, the coveted peace. Every time I pen down a quote, poem or an article it leaves me with heartfelt satisfaction. Words and thoughts are my most loved toys to dwell with.

A lot of people think Math and creativity don't go hand in hand. Maybe. But they definitely are the best of both the worlds for me.