Women's Day - Whose Empowerment is it, anyway?

A well-meaning friend recently shared this ad with me, hoping to inspire me with the ‘depth’ of its message.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t quite share her enthusiasm. The ad is well made and will appeal to many, but for me, its message is yet another reflection of social chauvinism --- one that is so ingrained even in the mindset of women that they fail to recognise it in its most blatant form.

So, yeah, women can carry both – but what does that mean? Pile more on to us? Glorify us on Women’s Day and then forget to acknowledge us on the remaining 364? Praise us when we take over everything, more than our fair share, and let things go on as they are? And being women, frown upon other women who are just mundane ‘housewives’ (probably equivalent to the ‘lowly’ sweeper who is the only one who empathizes with the ‘poor’ mother) and then see the housewife suddenly catapult to being a showstopper, when she turns out to be the much more ‘exciting’ mother – an SSP? Is it enough to inspire the model, who thought pregnancy would ruin her career post motherhood, to score a hit by posing pregnant on the cover page of a magazine? What’s next? Post pictures of baby showers and walking the ramp with a toddler? Is it any different from the “type of roles” she was being offered post marriage?

Congratulations ladies, your perspective has changed. You’ve now learnt to accept ‘glory’ and ‘more work’ as the price/prize for your struggles, sacrifices and ‘carrying both,’ while those who typecasted or castigated you continue with their own old ways. Meanwhile, the sweeper who eulogized about her duty as a mother is forgotten, because she isn’t as exciting. And the working woman, who thinks motherhood is equivalent to sacrificing a woman’s identity, ends up as the villain of the piece because she says it’s tough, without a gracious smile.

My dear women, we DON’T need empowerment, and we certainly don’t need men (and other women) to define it for us, to live by their rules. We were, are, and will always be empowered. Empowerment isn’t a conscious choice for most women in a man’s world – simply because most of the choices aren’t real choices, rather they’re consequences of social conditioning, emotional makeup, and even evolutionary ‘gifts’.

Motherhood IS beautiful, but it’s also very tough. Women, who choose to prioritise motherhood over a career, with grace and happiness, are all empowered. So’re women who choose not to be ‘mothers’ or those who ‘carry both.’ Ditto women who’ve been thrust into any of these situations without having a say in it, but still live each day with their heads held high --- doing all they can to make the best of a bad situation. Because being a mother’s tough, being a working professional’s tough, being a housewife’s tough, and being a jack of all trades is tough. It is an individual’s capacity, circumstances, and preferences that define these choices; they’re gender independent.

Each choice calls for compromises, hard work, grit and courage ---  same as the standards by which any human being or living entity should be judged, if at all. There’s neither any separate shame nor any separate glory – it’s all to be equally praised, rather more to be recognised and commended; beyond gender biases that take a break on Women’s Day.

So, let’s NOT wish each other on Women’s Day. Let’s not look down upon other women whose choices differ from our own. Let’s take pride in being human on all days, in our individual successes and failures, in the battles we fight every single day irrespective of their nature, in every choice we’ve made and all the repercussions we’ve survived.

And, then let’s talk of empowering men. Yes, when will we women be able to say that men can carry both too? When will men stop taking pride in privileges that they’ve neither earned nor worked for? When will women stop feeling empowered when someone reminds them of it? When will they acknowledge, even to themselves, that their true identity doesn’t depend on bigoted glory bestowed upon them by the other sex, who in most cases, are yet to prove their worth in deserving the women in their lives – whether a housekeeper, a model, an executive or an SSP.

So what did you think? Do comment in the section below and as always, don’t forget to share, follow and subscribe to left right and 'thoda sa' centre!

 

 

Motherhood Through the Eyes of a Daughter

There exists a natural bond between a mother and her child that is unparalleled.  This bond is a result of the nurturing care the mother offers and also the fact that she has willingly sacrificed her body and borne pain to create a new life.  This does not make an adoptive mother any less special.   She showers all her love on a child that would never have experienced a mother's love had she not embraced it whole heartedly.  This mother's day, while we were looking for ideas to come up with a post, Poonam (the author of Shivaji- The Virtuous Warrior King) mailed us another well written article on the "I love you-you don't love me" relationship she shared with her mother. Over to Poonam -- 

Mother and Daughter

Every mother makes some mistakes. Every daughter decides when I become a mother, I am never going to do that to my children. But inevitably ends up making some new mistakes of her own. No parent is perfect from the perspective of a grown-up child. But if we are questioned on it…we all admit to having a wonderful set of parents. Not because they provided us everything, but because we all realize they strived for it. They struggled.

It’s easier to accept our parent’s love and take their discipline and criticism in our stride, but their mistakes never get our sympathy. Maybe because despite attaining parenthood, the child within us is unable to come to terms with the fact that parents are humans too.  And humans are a compilation of all sorts of individual emotions, expressions and acts, including mistakes that are unique to them.

Grading parenthood is somewhat similar to our education system. An artistic mind is compelled to undergo mathematics enrichment classes while being tagged as ‘WEAK’ in the subject. It’s something that can’t be helped. That’s how the system works. But then, is every parent a failure according to his child? ‘NO’. It’s just the child’s perspective; every child has his/her own vision of perfect parenting and grades accordingly. But those are grades that come up for a sometimes reluctant, sometimes whole-hearted re-evaluation once the child writes the parenthood exam himself. The questions might vary. Previous experiences do help to a certain extent. But as the generation changes, the situations change. And then the same old story of grades comes in.

On looking back at the two previous generations and forward to the one ahead of me, I see a process of gradual change and improvements. My mother must have had a progress card for grandma. I had it for my mother and I’m sure my daughter will secretly treasure one for me. But the grading card that I carried for my mother never made me happy. The more mistakes I pointed out, the more I got buried deep inside. And our relations got more strained. And then one day suddenly, I came into my own and decided that I don’t want to judge her. I would rather be happy to ‘accept’. After all, a mother’s age is the same as the age her kids are. She was not a mother before. She was learning, struggling yet feeling small, comparing herself to other self-proclaimed perfectionists. I realized I was ignoring her efforts just for the sake of grading.

Time went by, and a person I had never known began to emerge. The mother I knew had no hobbies; the person I discovered was a voracious reader. I started seeing the unexplored side of my own mother. She was a wonderful friend. Till date our friendship has seen many seasons, bright and gloomy both. And I cherish every moment of it. I’m a mother of two daughters now. And yes, I know my report card must be having many red marks. But I’m not worried. Because there is one mistake that my mother had made, which I still consider a mistake and avoid making.

Apart from being a doting mother, a disciplinarian and a friend to my daughters, I have kept reminding them and myself that I am human. I might make mistakes but I’m ready to hear them out and at least I’m willing not to repeat them, even if rectification is not possible. I might not be a great cook. Maybe I won’t understand their choice of literature. I might fail miserably in some other subjects as well. But the silver lining here is I will never stop trying.

Mother and daughters next gen!

Not for the sake of being a perfectionist, but for giving my daughters the reason to love and accept me for what I am. The mother will never fail if the individual residing inside her succeeds. After all, I can be wonderful parent not because I can provide my children everything, but because I strived for it.

Do let us know your opinion in the comments section below.  We would also love to learn of your memories of your mother and your own experience(s) as a mother.  If any of our readers want to submit their work for publication, our email address is left.right.tcenter@gmail.com.  Also, do forget to follow, share, and to hit the subscribe button at the top, if not already done!

Disclaimer:  This is a personal blog. Any views or opinions represented in this blog are personal and belong solely to the authors. These do not represent views/ opinions of people, institutions or organizations that authors are associated with in their professional capacity.

About Poonam:

In spite of being busy with family commitments and almost in love with all of it, I still grab some time for myself. Teaching Math gives me the necessary adrenaline rush and words, the coveted peace. Every time I pen down a quote, poem or an article it leaves me with heartfelt satisfaction. Words and thoughts are my most loved toys to dwell with.

A lot of people think Math and creativity don't go hand in hand. Maybe. But they definitely are the best of both the worlds for me.